This One's For The Jews (sorry, John)

Here's a bunch of things to do with any leftover matzah you have from Passover (or any you buy on uber-sale now):

• feed to birds
• use as one-time-use flying disc
• put in sibling's bed
• give to hobos (receive funny looks)
• hide in copy of Moby Dick (it will never be found)

Eating matzah outside of Pesach may go against some people's beliefs, but not against some others', and not against mine, as I believe in eating my food. Because children are starving in Africa and I worked over that hot stove all day and wait until your father hears the way you treat me, OY! So now, some edible suggestions.:

• Mix cream cheese with jalapenos, garlic, and green olives or capers (or both), spread on matzah, top with lox.
• Use in place of chips for dip (matzah has very little flavor, which is perfect for when you actually like the flavor of the dip).
• A staple: Matzah Pizza. Top with tomato paste or sauce, top with cheese, black olives, onions, green peppers, and mushrooms.
• Crumble on top of casseroles for a crunchy top.
• Nibble on plain matzah to encourage yourself to drink more water.
• Top with almond butter, banana, and honey.
• A delicious breakfast: Matzah Brei. Crumble matzah into small pieces (but not crumbs) over a colander. Hold under running water until matzah softens but isn't entirely soggy. Mix with enough egg to hold it together (one or two per serving) and cinnamon-sugar. Fry like scrambled eggs, serve sprinkled with more cinnamon-sugar.
• Matzah lasagna. Soak matzah in hot water, then use as you would lasagna noodles.
• Spread with butter and sprinkle on salt or cinnamon-sugar for a snack.
• Make sandwiches (especially good if you also have leftover horseradish and charoset to get rid of).
• Get creative!

Have fun with your leftover matzah. And get rid of that shit soon; your goy friends are starting to look at you funny.