Posting From Dallas

Hey, y'all! It's been three weeks since I last posted because I'm lazy and have no work ethic. My spring break ends tomorrow, so I'm back to the roots of this blog and posting from John's computer. I'm not looking forward to going back to Austin, but I think these next seven weeks will go by faster than the last seven, mostly because I've got two plays coming up that I'm follow spotting. Also, so far I've got an A in each class, and I'm going to try to keep it that way.

Last Saturday, I helped out on set for the horror John and his friends are filming. I've missed working with them. My brother's in the film, which is kind of weird, but it was alright; we got along fine (something that never would have happened more than a year ago).

Then last Sunday was the Kosher Chili Cook-off, which basically translates to all the bland chili you can eat for ten bucks...with no cheese. My chili is so much better and spicier and has a better consistency, and I think it's because so many of the cooks for the cook-off are from too far north to understand chili. Here's what goes in my chili (no real proportions, everything added to taste):

• Ground beef (browned in vegetable oil)
• Tomato juice
• Onion
• Elephant garlic
• Habaneros
• Cumin
  
• Salt
• Black pepper
• Cayenne pepper
• Chili powder
• Flour (to thicken)
  
• Squeeze of lime
• Splash of Dr. Pepper or sprinkle of brown sugar
• Crushed red pepper

Yes, it's spicy, but isn't that kind of the point? Most importantly, there are NO BEANS. Beans are filler, fine for bulking up some meat for an under-three-dollars meal (cheap beef, cheap beans, cheap tomato sauce, and spices), but for real Texas chili, beans are a no-no. Just don't.

I got a haircut on Thursday. A major one. I lost maybe six inches of real length (as opposed to curl length, which was maybe four inches; consideration must be taken for the rise). It's as short as I asked my hairdresser to cut it, I just didn't realize how short I was asking for. John loves it; I'm still getting used to it.

OK, so here and here are a couple of random Cracked articles. I love me some Cracked.

Y'know those moments when you're surfing the web and your buddy's sitting behind you going on and on about nothing particular, and then he says something that makes you wish you were sitting at your drums instead so you could do a rimshot? Well, here. Instant rimshot.

As I surf the web, I makes notes of things I want to share on my blog, so if it all seems random, it is.

Like this.
I had this exact same argument with a friend of mine who went to a science magnet high school. I mean, centrifugal force makes logical sense to anybody who's ridden the Sombrero ride at Six Flags. Sheesh. (Fictitious Centrifugal Force doesn't mean it doesn't exist; it's a technical term.)

Well, that's pretty much all I have for now. John's heating up lunch, so I'm going to go. We'll talk soon. Cheers!

Sweet!!!

Y'know what's good? Cake.

Everyone's probably smacking themselves in the forehead now saying "Ugh, I was totally going to say cake, and then I didn't; I read too fast and didn't give myself time to come up with an answer, but I totally would have said cake, I swear!"

Cake is one of the best things ever. Marc Acito writes in How I Paid for College of the magical wish granting properties of cake. Birthdays, celebrations of life, are looked forward to because cake is involved. Have you ever seen someone become sad because they were offered cake? Of course not! Cake is amazing! In an effort to make sure that everyone can have cake, gluten-free, vegan, Kosher for Passover, and sugar-free cake have been invented. Anybody who says they don't like cake is a liar, or they've just been eating really crappy cake.

I mean, the sheer goodness of cake has even found its way into some incarnations of the "Rules of the Internet." Something about the deliciousness of the cake and how it is therefore necessary for one to partake of it. It's one of those Rules in the 40s. Yeah, somewhere in there.

And now, for the pictures. Oh, yes, you had to know there'd be pictures of cake involved here. Behold!

My 20th birthday cake! (It was Lemon Butter-Cream.)

This cake was baked by a girl in my acting class who then frosted and sprinkled it as an activity during a Meisner exercise. And then she let us eat it! (It was strawberry.)

Mmm, as my buddy Paco once wisely told me, "Tengri the sky god smiles upon cake from the land of the Eternal Blue Sky."

John had a girl he knows make my birthday cake. It was the most delicious cake EVER! I'm glad we went with lemon, because I had originally asked him to have her make apple-honey cake (since my birthday was on Rosh Hashanah this year), but John, obviously not knowing enough about cake, didn't think she could make it. It's not hard; you make an apple cake with honey in it or a honey cake with apples in it. But whatever. Eating that lemon cake was like having a mouth orgasm. And it was super cute.

Speaking of John and cake, he used to work at a place next to Bronwen Weber's Frosted Art, and helped her out doing who cares what a couple of times. She made a cake for his friend Becky's birthday once. I reacted to this the way John reacted to finding out that I shook Jimmy Carter's hand when I was in fourth grade. Bronwen is a cake goddess. And, yes, I do in fact watch the Food Network Cake Challenges like a housewife watches soaps.

After all this cake talk, I think I might have to run across the street to Kerby Lane to get a slice of the best carrot cake ever. But before I do, here are some related pictures of cookies:

The reason I'm holding them like that is because I kept forgetting to take the picture before taking the first bite. Oops.

It's the Jewish holiday of Purim tonight, which means that my dad brought me Hamantaschen, the traditional cookie of the holiday. I would have put up pictures of those, since you may never have seen Hamantaschen before, but I, uh--I ate them all before I could take a picture. That not entirely true, I've still got a couple of chocolate ones, because I don't like chocolate, but I snapped them apart to see what flavor they were, so they aren't in any shape to be photographed. But here's the Wikipedia page on them, if it's any consolation.

Well, that was fun. Hey, does anyone else have a sudden, unexplained desire to eat cake? Weird.

It's Not Technically My Fault, But...

I'm so sorry I haven't updated in almost a month. I've had no internet and now no computer and there's been school work and oh!, everything's just been a mess. I'm actually in the computer lab now, what with my lack of personal computer, and as I sat here, I thought, "Geez, I should at least apologize to the two people who read my blog," so I'm sorry guys. I have a couple of posts that I had been trying to tweak before my computer troubles started, and I'll get them up soon. I promise.

In other news, I'm doing well in all of my classes (for once), and am actually planning to keep it up. I got my first German test back today with a 93, and did a little happy dance in my seat, even though I lost half a point for something really stupid (quick writing error that turned a lower-case N into a lower-case R), but whatever.

In my Acting III class on Thursday, I blushed during the activity my partner and I were doing, but not out of embarrassment being in front of the class, but as an actual reaction to what was going on in the scene. It was AWESOME. I've been acting my whole life, but this was the first time that I forgot about the audience and became completely immersed in the scene. I blushed a couple of times and my eyes got wet and I was emotionally drained after the fifteen minutes (that felt like five) and DAMN, was it all really cool. For the first time in my acting career (which I've all but given up for technical theatre), I felt like an actual actor.

This morning I got a call, which I returned and left a message about this afternoon, offering me a single room in the really nice dormitory across the street next year. I thought long and hard (ha, long and hard) about it and finally decided the pros outweighed the cons. I'll have my own bathroom; the space and quiet to read, write, design, daydream, and all the other creative things I like to do from time to time; the solitude necessary to start exercising regularly, which I need because I'm a freak and can't work out in front of other people (made even weirder by my build: 5'2.5" and about 107 pounds; there's no reason for me to get self-conscious, but I'm always afraid someone's going to tell me my form's bad or something); the alienation from society necessary to begin the soul-searching period of my life; no underage roommate preventing me from legally having alcohol in the room once I turn 21; probably the only opportunity that I'll ever have to live alone; and a plethora of other awesome things. The cons are that I'll have no one to have lengthy conversations with in person for long spans of time (perhaps weeks or months), that it's a co-ed dorm (ick, ball stank) and that I'll have to get over my fear of the dark. So I accepted the offer, and hopefully I'll get it.

My roommate will be getting her own apartment next year, and she will be hosting dinner parties, which I will be invited to (have I mentioned that I love my roommate?). And she's planning on getting a job this summer at the 24-hour cafe near John's apartment, so she'll get me the hook-up and I'll tip her well and everything with be awesome.

For once, John is doing worse in his classes than I'm doing in mine, but I'll wait until grades come out at the beginning of the summer to rub his face in it. Until then, I'm rubbing his face in the fact that I've starting working out while he sits around drinking whole six-packs by himself (sorry, John). To his credit, though, he has started watching his caloric intake, so go him. I'm trying to watch what I eat again, but this time because I'm mega-budgeting until Spring Break.

So, I promise that I will update with some fun posts very, very soon. I posted a bit about internet memes about three weeks ago, and then decided I hated it and took it down twelve hours later. But soon, meaning this week, I will have at least one new post (besides this one, of course) up, if not two. It's just such a drag to have to come to the computer lab to do them.

Before I go, here is an article that John forwarded to me. Movie buffs and literary fans alike, enjoy! I've missed posting, so I'll be braving the lab more often so I can talk to y'all. Later!

I Consider Myself Lucky There's a Family Guy

Have I ever told y'all about how Family Guy saved my life? No, don't bother checking--I haven't. The details aren't important, actually, and in fact are a little weird for me to talk about, so just accept that I'm alive today because of an animated television show. Now every time I feel like the world is collapsing around me, all I have to do is watch an episode or two of hilarious shenanigans to start feeling like the sun will shine again tomorrow.

Here's the problem: [adult swim] doesn't air Family Guy on Fridays or Saturdays. And as an anti-social freak who goes to school in a city 200 miles away from the one where all the people who would otherwise distract her on weekend nights live, I get lonely. Yesterday, I felt like shit, I needed someone to talk to, my roommate was staying with a friend, John was busy all day, and to top it all off, it was Saturday. Y'know what [adult swim] shows on Saturdays? F*cking Anime. Does anyone even watch [adult swim] on Saturdays, really? Answer: probably not. But then, finally, long after I had started feeling like hell, I remembered: John gave me a couple of Season Two DVDs for my birthday! Huzzah! And (thankfully, because he thought they didn't work anymore) those lasted me until tonight, when [adult swim] went back to not sucking for another five nights. (I propose that [adult swim] attempt not to suck seven nights a week.)

And so, I would like to send out a very special "Thank You" to two very special men in my life: 1) My wonderful fiance, John, for giving me what he thought were some crapped out DVDs, and 2) Seth MacFarlane, for being hilarious and amazing and the reason I get out of bed in the morning (sorry, John).

I'm not going to say I'm Family Guy's biggest fan (or anywhere close to it), but mostly because saying it would make me sound like a tool. Also because I don't have this tattoo or this tattoo or these tattoos. Now the question: Why does everyone get Stewie? If I were ballsy enough to get a Family Guy character permanently inked into my flesh, I'd get Brian (ooh, or Brian and Stewie, maybe dressed in funny costumes). Brian is awesome.

Y'know, it's kind of weird--last year I used Family Guy to escape my roommates, and this year I use it to bond with my roommate. My ex-roommates were bitches.

Now, that I've stopped rambling about my love for Family Guy, here's some information about Ballistic Organ Syndrome.

And here's a couple of cool/funny YouTube videos by KaitlynBridge, who is pretty awesome, and if you have any spare time (of course you do, you're wasting it reading my blog), you should check out her other videos. Many of them aren't of her singing, just of her being rad (I really like her non-musical stuff, too), but if you like her nerd-core song stylings, here is her MySpace page for that.




So, yeah, I have a total girl-crush on her.

I have homework to do now, so I better get going. Talk at y'all soon!

Oh, yeah, and before I forget:

Seth MacFarlane,
I notice you're sliding down the path towards selling out to "the man." Stop doing that.
All My Love,
--Ari

Thank Zeus It's Friday

The weekend is finally here! And for all of you out there with social lives: Have fun with your parties and drunken shenanigans and whatnot, jerks. Meanwhile, I (as an anti-social, internet addicted, under-21 student) will spend the weekend reading too many Cracked articles, knitting John's scarf, and maybe--emphasis on maybe--doing all the readings and writing assignments due next week. I should also probably unpack, since I've been back for about a week, but that might not happen, either.

So, this week had some holidays and anniversaries you may have remembered and some you may have forgotten. Specifically:

• Monday: Martin Luther King Jr. Day (If you've never heard of MLK Day, rethink your citizenship status.)
  
• Tuesday: Confederate Heroes Day, which is a state holiday here in Texas, though I had never heard of it until two days ago. It's celebrated on Robert E. Lee's birthday.
• Wednesday: The 1-year anniversary of Barack Obama becoming President of the United States.
• Friday: The 2-year anniversary of the death of Heath Ledger. (OK, maybe this one's not so important, but damn it, jokes about Heath are still going around, whereas nobody remembers swine flu.)

My roommate's ringtone is "Somebody's Baby," so I am now listening to Jackson Browne on repeat (you'll learn--actually, I'm telling you right now--that I can listen to the same song 72 times in a row and not get bored of it). At the same time, I am devouring Drunken Goat cheese like it's going out of style (it never was in style, as far as I'm aware), and reading Cracked (of course). I went to the local organic co-op and bought a bunch of produce and teabags, so this weekend I will be avoiding the processed foods (which should help with the "I don't sleep because of a little thing called the internet" bags under my eyes), which oughtn't to be that hard, because I'm pretty sure I was designed to be a vegan (I was a pescetarian for almost a year and a half, but I quit that shit, because I'm Texan, damn it, and chili and barbeque are essential to my survival).

My roommate's going out tonight, so I'm going to watch O Brother, Where Art Thou? without headphones and knit. Then maybe Monty Python and the Holy Grail (which you know, if you were able to get through my last post, is my favorite movie), or maybe just some Monty Python's Flying Circus.

Before I go, here's an interesting article about out-of-body experiences (for no reason).

Also, here are the first five articles that come up when I click Random Article on Wikipedia (I'm going to start doing this sometimes, just for the hell of it):

• Shamrock Farms
• Modern Warfare
• James Crawford (jurist)
• Louder Than Words (album)
• Martin Teofilo Delgado

None of those interest me at all. Oh, well.

Have a great night, be safe, and don't do anything I wouldn't do! (You might be surprised by the weird limits that sets.)

First Day of the Semester

Today I started my first of three semesters as a college senior. I'm a little worried, but I think it'll be better once I have all of my books. I'm nervous about German, because I haven't taken Deutsch in almost four years, but I'm already better off than some of the other students (at least I knew what was going on during the first 35 minutes of class, while the instructor spoke exclusively German with a perfect accent, before explaining the syllabus to us in his South Carolina drawl). My acting class is going to be emotionally trying (we're working with the Meisner system), and there's going to be improv (which scares the crap out of me), but I've had the professor for a couple of other classes, including another acting class, so it won't be as bad as it could be. I still have my other Theatre History-based class tomorrow (at noon, which is nicer than the one I had today way too early in the morning), but I have the same professor for both of those, and I had her last semester and really liked her. I'll have to right a manifesto as a final project for one of her classes, which seems daunting now, but might be fun. All in all, I'm both scared shitless and super excited about this semester.

I've got a handful of songs from the O Brother, Where Art Thou? soundtrack stuck in my head, which is kind of wonderful, but it's also a little bizarre for a Jewish-raised atheist to be walking around humming "Down to the River to Pray."

I shot some pool today, and I'm planning to make a habit of going to the student union for a few games at least three times a week, both to get better and to stay in practice.

This post is really just an update, and also to remind myself that a single post does not have to be a mile long. Now I guess I should get to sleep, so I can wake up early-ish and start on some schoolwork (haha). But, yeah, no, seriously, I should probably try to keep up with my classes for once. That would be good. 'Night!

Watching Movies with a Film Major Means Actually Watching Movies

It's been a while, but I promise I've been working on this post a little every day. Over the past two weeks (basically between my last post on the 4th and when I returned to school on Saturday), I've given in to John's not-so-subtle suggestions that we "watch a movie," meaning we start watching movies and don't stop until we pass out. I was trying to finish knitting a scarf for him before I came back to school (finally, after watching me nearly break down under the pressure, John told me to make it a Valentine's gift and give myself a break), so of course I agreed to being distracted enough that I didn't notice the cramps in my fingers as I spent two hours or so per film looking back and forth between the screen and the yarn. These are the films we watched during the two weeks between my last post and my return to Austin (with both the Wikipedia links and the IMDb links included):

• Hot Fuzz. I love these guys; Shaun of the Dead is the only zombie movie I've seen that A) doesn't give me nightmares, and B) even presents the opportunity to laugh out loud. With Hot Fuzz, they once again gave me exactly what I wanted: a plot and plenty of comedy. Simon Pegg and Nick Frost work amazingly together (understandable, since they've apparently been friends since forever), and Edgar Wright's direction is wonderful (I love those quick cut montages). Very funny, kept me on the edge of my seat (all of a sudden, the plot got twisted); Hot Fuzz gets my stamp of approval.
  


• Knocked Up. John had been trying to get me to watch Knocked Up for a while now, and I finally gave in. Ok, so, Seth Rogen, nice Jewish boy; I totally approve of that. His humor is a bit too deadpan for me (which is perhaps a comment I should have saved for the next movie), but that's not the problem. The problem here is the lack of plot depth. Slacker guy has one-night stand with career-driven woman. Woman gets pregnant. Guy worries he's not mature enough for a baby. Guy becomes mature. Baby is born. The end. Basically, actual plot development (meaning: any lines or actions that actually moved the story along) took up maybe fifteen minutes of the film, and the rest was all dry humor. Hooray for dry humor; Boo for lack of story depth.
  


• Funny People. My biggest problem with Funny People was that it wasn't funny. It seemed as though no one knew which way the movie should go, so it just went everywhere (a film doesn't need four plots, it just doesn't). The "love story" was completely useless (an excuse for Apatow to include his wife and kids). No one evolved during the course of the film, and when stasis is restored at the conclusion, the only thing that's changed since the beginning is that Adam Sandler's character and Seth Rogen's character are now friends. It was kind of a nice change, however, to see Adam Sandler not trying to be ridiculously funny.
  


• The Invention of Lying. There was a major plot-hole in The Invention of Lying, namely: yes, everything everyone says is the truth, but why do they say everything that's on their minds? The fact that no one has any self-control was not posed as the premise at the start of the film, so why does everyone say everything that crosses their thoughts? Also, at the moment when Ricky Gervais's character invents heaven, I did not expect for the entire movie to only focus on religion until the end. I was completely taken out because the afterlife took over the love story and all other personal struggles the lead character was having. Also, how does his brain not explode when trying to explain how he said, quote, something that wasn't? In a world where that concept doesn't exist and can't be comprehended, one would think that the effort of trying to describe what he's done would make him go crazy. The only way I can calm myself over the holes in this film is to remind myself that it is only a movie. And, to redeem this film: it does have some cute jokes. Unfortunately, I'm sick of Jennifer Garner and have been since Juno.
  


• Tombstone. Tombstone is my favorite movie that is classified as a Western, and I insisted we watch it. I can sum up why in two words: Doc Holliday. Val Kilmer kills in this role (sometimes literally), and at the end of this post, you can find a list of reasons why. The rest of the cast is also quite good, and I enjoy movies based on actual events, so this retelling of the story of the Earp brothers and the Gunfight at the O.K. Corral is able to do what many movies can't: hold my attention. Most of what I love about this movie can be found in the list of reasons I love Kilmer's performance, but here's the thing that bugs me the most: the relationship between Wyatt and Josephine. I realize the audience is supposed to be rooting for this, and that it's historically accurate-ish, but I'm still pretty against a man straight up and leaving his wife for another woman. This seems like the kind of thing Hollywood might sanitize. But, as the link above shows, it happened, and I can't argue with history.
  


• Little Miss Sunshine. The first time I saw Little Miss Sunshine, I didn't get a chance to watch the last half hour or so, so I suggested we watch it, having liked what I had seen enough to want to know how it ends. After which, I felt that leaving off where I had the first time would have been fine, considering that the last bit of the movie is, while the whole reason for the rest of the film existing, just kind of silly/depressing. I do, however, feel that all of the characters (perhaps with the exception of Olive) are well designed, and especially enjoyed the characters portrayed by Steve Carell and Paul Dano (and Alan Arkin, but now I've singled out half of the cast, which isn't singling at all). The overall plot really doesn't matter as much as each of the characters' inner struggles, but I believe that this movie is able to pull it off, having such tortured characters. I almost cry when Dwayne realizes he can't fly, but it's not rare for me to cry during some point of most movies. John says I'm a sap, and perhaps I am, but when Dwayne runs down that hill yelling "F*ck!" with all the feeling he has, well, that's enough to make anyone emotional.
  


• Grosse Pointe Blank. Let me sum up Grosse Pointe Blank real fast for you: Professional hitman goes back to hometown for high school reunion, hilarity ensues. That's basically it. Some people you don't really care about die, he saves some people, he gets the girl. Other than the fact that there are too many Cusacks in this film, not much really happens story-wise. John swears this movie is good, but I guess it's just not my cup of tea. Joan Cusack has some witty lines, but she's not in enough of the movie for it to make a difference.
  


• Robin Hood. I'm talking about the "MERRY MENagerie," 1973 Disney Robin Hood. You can find this whole movie, separated into ten-minute segments, on YouTube. It's one of my favorite old school animated Disney movies, and I think Phil Harris should have stuck with the trend he created with Robin Hood and The Jungle Book and continued to voice cool-headed bears, because he's just so good at it. I was surprised to find while watching the opening credits that my film major fiance didn't know who Peter Ustinov was, but other than that "How do you not know Peter Ustinov?!"/"I've never heard of Peter Ustinov" back-and-forth, we had a good time watching the movie, because it's a good movie and therefore is responsible for good times. And you know the baby bunny is the cutest thing you've ever seen. Interesting tidbit: My iPod Shuffle, because it looks like a snake head from the side, is named (because you're supposed to name them) "Sir Hiss (a snake)" after the way Prince John's adviser is listed in the opening credits.
  


• Casablanca. The classic of classics. I was lucky enough last school year to see Casablanca on the big screen at the theater in the student union (John's super jealous), and Ingrid Bergman's skin is, dare I say, even more flawless when her face is ten feet across (thank you, Max Factor). Bogie plays, of course, the typical Bogie character, Rick, and is marvelous ("Have you taken leave of your senses?" "I have. Sit down over there.") There is a token black character who is overly obedient, because this is the time period for that sort of thing (not that I condone that necessarily). And this film is responsible for at least half a dozen of the most quoted lines in Hollywood history. Also, *gasp* the leading male doesn't wind up with the leading female in the end, which I think ties this movie off nicely as being awesome. I love black and white films, because folks knew how to make movies back in the day. Also, this is one of John's all-time favorite movies, so the two of us had to watch it together at some point.
  


• Play It Again, Sam. Woody Allen's answer to Casablanca, John insisted on watching Play It Again, Sam as a follow-up to the 1942 classic. (I, in turn, insisted on saying "Oy" anytime something especially "Jewy" was said, a trend I continued for Fiddler on the Roof and The Hebrew Hammer, and with which I can get away being "blessed" with both a Jewier-than-thou name and a genuine Jewfro.) This film was hysterically funny at points and terribly depressing at others, which I'm finding pretty much sums up Woody Allen in a nutshell. I'm going to recommend this movie simply (but not completely) for the brief encounter Allen has with a girl at the art museum, because this exchange includes the lines "What are you doing Saturday night?" "Committing suicide." "What about Friday night?" Ah, comedy. Also, Diane Keaton is young. Also, the action, other than repeating that this is Allen's reaction to Casabanca, is hard to describe in a short space, so just watch it.
  


• Pineapple Express. *breathe* I think I may have watched too many Seth Rogen movies in too short of a period of time. As far as stoner movies go, Pineapple Express isn't too bad, although as I watched it, I was reminded heavily of Superbad, what with all the running around town engaging in crazy shenanigans; similar shenanigans (and this is my point) to those in Superbad. I'm not saying they're exactly the same or anything like that, but it's obvious that a handful of the same folks were involved in both films. The fact that the B plot with the main character's girlfriend never achieved stasis bothered me a little, the final scene in the diner was a total waste of time (they didn't even eat their food), and the obvious result of a warehouse full of marijuana blowing up in a fiery explosion (all survivors being higher than flippin' kites) didn't appear to occur, disappointing both our friend Emily and myself, who were looking forward to it. But, as I said above, it wasn't too bad for a stoner movie, and that's definitely saying something.
  


• Spaceballs. I requested we watch these next three movies. John readily agreed to watch Spaceballs, mostly because it's a Mel Brooks film, but also because it's awesome. Then, of course, we looked it up on IMDb and I couldn't watch A League of Their Own a couple of days later without thinking about Bob Hinson being Lone Starr (I've always kept the two movies completely separate in my mind, because there's no reason not to). This movie is hilarious, in that Mel Brooks kind of way, and John Candy is good-looking, even as a Mog (half-man, half-dog). I asked why Han Solo and Luke Skywalker were combined into one for Lone Starr (obviously it's just easier that way), and other than that we just sat and laughed, because that's what you do when you watch Mel Brooks. Unless you're my ex, who has no sense of humor. Oh, and we had a brief conversation about how little kids think that movie scenes are filmed in the order we watch them (the scene where Dark Helmet watches the movie so far prompted this) and how untrue that tends to be.
  


• The New Guy. When The New Guy came out on video, Blockbuster still had late fees, and New Releases could only be rented for two days. So I spent two wonderful days of 2002 watching this movie nine freakin' times. John, when I requested we watch it, rolled his eyes, but I didn't feel well, so he agreed. I proceeded to 'ssh' him when he spoke and give useless background information about the actors. As much as I love watching this movie, I have to admit that I know it's a pretty stupid film. But it's fun, has a plot with a coming-of-age theme, and has a lot of big names making appearances (like Gene Simmons, Tommy Lee, and Tony Hawk, plus others), so it's also totally watchable. And that's good enough for me.
  


• Fiddler on the Roof. So classic. And since I took Musical Theatre History this past semester, I remembered how much I like Fiddler on the Roof, and since John had never seen it, it had to be watched. I cried and laughed and said "Oy" and sang along, and John (although he promises he didn't) napped though the first half hour or so. Then once the story started getting interesting, he actually started watching. And when Tevye didn't accept Chava's marriage to Fyedka, John couldn't believe it, so that was kind of great, because it meant all my talk about the musical hadn't completely ruined the story for him before he had a chance to watch it. He also enjoyed the fact that the director's last name is Jewison. He liked it well enough (and I always love watching it), but he felt he had to respond with...
  


• The Hebrew Hammer. I was a little skeptical at first, but I love Jewish humor, and this Jewish spoof on Blaxploitation films was a laugh a minute for me once I got into it. The Hebrew Hammer got me to stop the "Oy" game pretty quickly, or I wouldn't have gotten to hear most of the movie. In this film, the Hebrew Hammer, a "Certified Circumcised Dick," is hired to stop the new Santa Claus (played by another Dick, namely Andy) from ending Chanukah forever. In the end, to save the holiday and the girl, he employs the most powerful Jewish weapon available: Jewish guilt (the moment he started kvetching, I started cracking up). Playing on every stereotype in the book, this film, made mostly by Jews (otherwise it'd be offensive, right?), was, I think, a good call on John's part to counteract the sadness of Fiddler on the Roof and end the night off with a smile.
  

• A League of Their Own. Next to Monty Python and the Holy Grail, A League of Their Own is my favorite movie ever (meaning that it's my second favorite movie, but that doesn't sound as dramatic). Here's why: 1) It's a baseball movie. 2) It's a feminist movie. 3) Tom Hanks is the leading male. 4) It's f*cking awesome. I've seen this movie more times than most American grandparents have seen their grandchildren. I was making chili while we were watching it, and I found myself absentmindedly quoting along, because I just know it that well. I have informed John, my brother, and my mother that the song played at the beginning, "Now and Forever," is to be played at my funeral, as long as people like me enough when I die to have it played. The casting is great, but I think the most amazing part of the casting is that all of the older versions of the characters are played not by the main actors in old-age makeup but by senior citizens who not only look just like what Geena Davis, Lori Petty, Madonna, etc. will look like when they are older, but also by people who can act. How hard was it to find these people? I'm guessing pretty hard. Aside from the story, the acting, and the historical value (all of which I love), the ending credits are pretty cool. Not only do we watch these older women playing baseball, but the way characters are listed is like a team roster (in fact, the words "Cast Roster" appear immediately before they start rolling). Also, Madonna performs the song that plays during the ending credits, which always reminds me of Alanis Morissette in Dogma. I love A League of Their Own, and if you like baseball movies, are a feminist, or have a heartbeat, you should see it.
  

Tombstone, while not (quite) on my list of favorite movies, contains probably my favorite movie character of all time. Here is a list of reasons why Val Kilmer's "Doc Holliday" rocks out loud in twelve different languages (I realize that many of these are partially thanks to the writer or director, but Kilmer really sells the role):

1. Every line the man says is a quotable one-liner.
2. Doc never says anything that doesn't need to be said.
3. He's dying of tuberculosis, and he doesn't give a f*ck!
4. He's shacking up with a Hungarian whore.
5. He's super-quick on the draw with incredible aim.
6. He has awesome facial hair.
7. He's played by skinny Kilmer.
   
8. He's nice to everyone, even people he hates.
9. He doesn't allow himself to die while Wyatt is in the room (he is the master of death!).
10. He's your huckleberry.
    

Also, I'm back at school now, and I miss John something awful, so I'm listening to "Origin of Love" from Hedwig and the Angry Inch over and over again. It's super cathartic.




My mom went home today (Monday), but I wasn't there, being here and all. Now I have class in the morning and need to sleep, so I'll talk to y'all soon. Bye!